I started a blog post on 12/19/14 which reads in front of me as I realize the truth of the current state of my affairs. So many moments the thoughts crossed my attention to share my gratitude for the abundance of experiences received in 2014. Over 30 days later, I revisit this draft, now deeply into my relationship with this New Year I reach back to find the portal through my words to express the feelings of my time spent in 2014.
I find the door of vulnerability placed before my minds eye with the invitation to share, potentially become whole, through revealing to the reader more than the summation of my year. A more profound action for me to shed light on this Back Alley Artist and place attention on that which is lurking the shadows.
I still yearn to keep these December words in place; Feeling through so many amazing projects I could share. The realization of how my dreams to be in my work became the awareness to the Super Hero viewers who became artist with me and the friendships solidified along this path. Bonus! How many stories I gathered throughout the year as my work grew and my reach became longer. All the supporters and contributors to my back alley as if with every dream a group of angels showed up for the labor it would take to get each piece birthed. Working as a “type A” girl I can be a Stallion for the details, with the root system similar to a giant oak tree keeping the focus on these projects until it fully reveals precise and aligned with the original vision. The collaborations and merging of our lives is forever captured in the projects we created together, your inspiration the catalyst of my future work and in the essence of the words I write. It is my favor to have shared these moments with you.
Along this journey the distractions came, many moments like a hurricane to the vulnerable terrain of my own ecosystem. I wasn’t able to hold the original course taking turns for quieter passage. This Brandi had to find my port and allow the sailors to continue on their way(still hanging on to the fact I was named after those depressing song lyrics!) I’ve found the moment to share the additional journey I find myself traveling.
2014 has caused me to look at Wellness from a different point of view, the perspective of loosing it and the journey to reclaim my balance. The journey to find my wellness became increasingly relevant as the “good” days have been over shadowed by the ones when the symptoms take center stage. Masking my truths with a story of food sensitivities I moved through social functions and maintained what felt like my normal. Dot Dot Dot. Doctors, Homopaths, Nathropaths, Accupuntist, Chinese Medicine, Standing on my Head, Nurtritionist, Immunologist, Toxicologist, Blood, Urine, Hair Test, Histimine intolerance, Mast Cells degranulation, chelation therapy. Translated into my world turning focus to Yoga, Organic everything, Magic Water, herbs, essential oils, massage, trips to the mountains, 00 flour from Europe, black market goat cheese, Non GMO, non macro-toxins, hours of research, high altitude coffee, chelating agents, low histamine, gluten free, only from the farmers market, activated coconut charcoal, live blood, infrared saunas, Samee, Phosphorus Acid and Peppermint Gum! Oh I will not bore your reader with any more words or the details behind them only to connect this very important DOT; The journey continues…. My artist logic has become the center part of my wellness. As I mirror the logic behind my studio work with my approach to my personal health. I’m creating my wellness Team! No longer living in the illusion of One Doctor, their One opinion giving me ONE option. I’ve gained acceptance to group of other committed “artist” who’s life work is expressed in the medical or wellness fields. Each one in agreement they are part and contributor to my wellness collaboration project! I’m giving each with their own unique view point equal credit that with all these amazing minds I will find the treatments which align with my personal choices in regards to my Health care. A whole picture starts to reveal. My Chinese Medicine Dr. speaks in terms of “The Three Headed Dragon” my DO translates into “Syndrome X” with toxic over load, My toxicologist speaks of being ” A Sensitive” all to which has become furtile ground to explore and research my options. Here is what my artist does know. I will NOT put down my brush! I may have to move over to the the right lane for a moment, however I will make the choices today that will honor the choices I made Years ago as I started to make changes in my lifestyle to allow my artist to reveal herself. Giving up Prime Time TV, early morning journaling sessions, 30 miles of walking each week to flow out my thoughts, tossing out the sugar and white flour FOREVER, hours spent alone in my studio working through my techniques, I Am Discourses, reading as a way of mediation and gaining knowledge on how to connect to my true nature every intentional investment of my personal resources into this passion. After many years these ritual have become deeply imbedded patterns to my daily life.
Today I will take action which will honor the part of me who first choose this journey , as I also make choices and plant seeds for the artist who yearns to know this work in the future (Back Alley Art Studio opens Feb. 1). I’m surrendered to Her, the girl who dreams all these dreams, to this moment as I write and bridge the gap between my silence and my desire for you to know I care and will do whatever it takes to join you in 2015. I bow to the past through my reflections and to the amazing future in my site. She is asking me to cocoon again, this may look to the viewer I’m absent however dormancy is not a truth I own, restructuring in preparation for the next projects which are requiring the adult artist in me to reveal herself and allow for the next metamorphosis! Prepping for Flight-Brandi C.