I believe in angels both in of the celestial world and the courageous ones who choose to mingle with earthlings. I have one that hangs above my bed reminding me to be open and allow the power they give to our lives. There has been a few moments, in my life, I’ve become present enough to feel the touch of both. Today I sit and watch as one of my favorite beings is returning to a more infinite space.
I sit and write these words being inspired by her as she so peacefully, just as she lived her life, lays with the occasional connections with me through her eyes. She hears my muffled sobs and does what she’s always done with me, using all the depleted energy she can claim from her tired body, she perks her ears raises her head and speaks to me through a depth of love and care I’ve rarely have known from my human family, as if to say, “Your good you can do this you have the capacity to feel every drop of every moment we’ve shared and then allow me to go.”
I was just a young women when she strolled into my life. I thought I was doing her a favor when this little bag of fleas popped onto my porch. I jumped to her attention with cat food and a back yard bath. A trip to vet revealed her life on the streets and the stress it had placed on her body. Her first night with me could have been her last night on earth but instead, as if, we made a silent agreement to each other she decided to choose me and I her. I would take care of her and she would be the one stable force in my undulating young adult life. She’s watched me grow up both in years and wisdom. She’s lived with me through the intimacy of the bad days, the really bad days and every intimate amazing moment of my adult life. When the scope of my dreams enlarged she escorted me from our Indiana roots to Texas when I decided to venture out of the safety of the only nest I had known. Again with the quiet stable force she encompassed the Universal Mother it was always known me and my children her chosen liter.
So many days passed when I didn’t take the time to connect with, look into her eyes and lay my hands on the warmth of her nature. She never loved me any less, regardless of my humanness she always stayed centered in her love and devotion to me. Even her weariness I find great strength in her guiding me through how to be with her now. Keeping the world at bay today, no matter the level of importance, she is my only focus. Staying home laying here with her I ask her if there is any unfinished business to address. My legs are her legs and today I will carry her.
Her eyes tell me everything I need to hear. As she watched me pick up the paint brush and paint my first strokes she has witnessed the birth and creation of my artist life. I’ve painted collaboration pieces with my son Logan and daughter Sydney and yet each time she patiently watched us capture the moment. Today it’s her turn. In these last moments I want to capture her into an object. I want to be inspired by her essence and gifts she has given to me over the years. My longest dearest companion. Finding a patch of light shed by Mother nature we sit in the sun. Taking this moment for us to create the most powerful experience that we each can give to the other and to capture it on canvas so after this moment passes I’m reminded by her to soften, quiet myself down to center and be the force of nature she reminds me to be. An expression of my life being touched by her pure love.
After making rounds of her final visits we spent the day laying and painting in the front yard. I gave her one last bath held her in my arms swaddled up like a baby and released the purest love I’ve ever known.
And that is how angles are born! During tears of our first night without our guard laying at the foot of the bed my 6-year-old saw Bale sitting with us in the bed. We believe in Angels! Today my family celebrates the 16.5 years Bale Ann served as our family dog, my companion and the mark she left on all those our journey’s crossed (even the cats!)